On the Blog · Partnerships
Helping Kids Through Divorce: A Talk with Hembree Bell
This week I had the pleasure of sitting down with the attorneys at Hembree Bell Law Firm here in Austin to talk about something that sits at the center of so much of their work — and so much of mine: how parents can help their children through a divorce.
It was a generous, engaged room. These are attorneys who clearly care about more than the paperwork — they care about the families, and especially the kids, on the other side of every case. Their kind words afterward meant the world. Thank you, y'all.
I came with one message I wanted them to be able to hand to any client who's dreading the conversation with their children: the divorce itself isn't what determines how kids turn out. Three things do — how much conflict children see, the parenting they get from each parent, and how steady their daily life stays. Parents have real control over all three. That's the hopeful part, and it's backed by decades of research: about 8 in 10 children whose parents divorce are doing well within a few years.
The three things every child needs to hear
- "This is not your fault." Children of every age quietly assume they caused it. Say it plainly — and say it more than once.
- "We both love you, and that will never change." The divorce ends the marriage, not either parent's love.
- "Here's what will change, and what will stay the same." Two short lists. Kids can handle hard news; what they can't handle is not knowing what's coming.
We worked through the practical pieces, too:
- Tell them together when you can, in a calm moment, with a simple and blame-free explanation.
- Meet kids where they are — little ones need routine over explanation, school-age kids sit squarely in the "is it my fault?" years, and teens need you close without becoming your confidant.
- Adjustment is a season, not a moment — usually a year or two — and most kids find their footing when the adults around them stay calm and kind to each other.
What I love about building relationships with firms like Hembree Bell is that we're coming at the same goal from two directions. They guide families through the legal side with care and clarity; we help the children land softly. When those two things work together, kids do better. It really is that simple.
If you're a parent in the middle of this — or an attorney with clients who are — I wrote up the heart of this talk in more detail over here. And if your child is having a harder time than feels right, that's always worth a conversation.
Grateful for the morning, and for partners who care this much.