How to Talk to Your Child About School Shootings

As a psychologist who works with children and families, one of the hardest questions I get from parents is: “How do I talk to my child about school shootings?” It’s a conversation no parent wants to have — but it’s one of the most important conversations you can have for your child’s mental health.

Why This Conversation Matters

Here’s the reality: your child has probably already heard something. Kids talk to each other at school, they overhear the news, they see things on social media. Since 1999, the rate of U.S. students exposed to a school shooting has nearly tripled. Even children who have never experienced a shooting directly carry worry about it.

Research shows that the majority of teenagers — and their parents — feel at least somewhat worried that a shooting could happen at their school. That’s not paranoia. That’s the world our kids are growing up in.

When parents avoid the conversation, children are left to fill in the gaps on their own — through social media, misinformation from peers, and their own imagination. As psychologist Dr. Jodi Quas of UC Irvine explains, “lack of knowledge and misunderstanding can fuel fear.” The conversation itself is protective.

What the Research Tells Us

Before we get into the practical guidance, here’s what the science says about how school shootings affect children’s mental health — even when they haven’t been directly involved:

The mental health impact lasts years, not weeks

A study from Northwestern University and Stanford found that prescription medications for anxiety and depression increased by over 25% among youth living near fatal school shootings — and remained elevated five and a half years later. This isn’t a short-term reaction. It’s a lasting impact on children’s mental health.

Nearly 1 in 3 directly exposed children develop PTSD

Research published in peer-reviewed journals shows that approximately 30% of students directly exposed to school shootings meet clinical criteria for PTSD within the first year. The impacts extend to families and entire communities — not just the students in the building.

Even active shooter drills can increase anxiety

This is something many parents don’t realize: the drills designed to protect children can themselves be a source of anxiety. Research has found that the anticipation of school violence — including safety interventions like lockdown drills — may increase anxiety and depression among students. This doesn’t mean drills shouldn’t happen, but it means parents need to be prepared to talk about them.

Family support is the strongest protective factor

A 2025 scoping review in Injury Prevention found that social support from family and peers emerged as the most consistent protective factor against adverse mental health outcomes following school shootings. In other words: your relationship with your child is their best defense.

How to Talk About It: Age-by-Age Guide

The conversation looks very different depending on your child’s age. Here’s how to approach it at each stage:

Preschool to early elementary (ages 3–6)

Young children may not have heard about specific events, but they may participate in lockdown drills at school. At this age:

• Keep it simple. Stick to one or two sentences: “Sometimes grown-ups at school practice keeping everyone safe, just like we practice fire drills.”
• Focus on safety and helpers. Talk about the teachers, police officers, and other adults whose job it is to keep them safe.
• Don’t introduce details they haven’t heard. If they haven’t asked, you don’t need to bring up shootings specifically. Focus on the drills.
• Talk about it before and after drills. Let them know what will happen beforehand, and check in afterward: “How did you feel during the practice today?”
• Reassure with presence, not promises. Instead of “nothing bad will ever happen,” try “there are so many people working to keep you safe, and I will always be here for you.”

Elementary school (ages 7–11)

At this age, children are more aware and may hear about events from friends or teachers. They need more information, but still need protection from graphic details:

• Limit media exposure. Seeing graphic imagery sticks with children at this age. Don’t let them watch news coverage on repeat.
• Let them ask questions. Answer honestly but briefly. You don’t need to volunteer details they haven’t asked about.
• Focus on feelings, not facts. “How are you feeling about what happened?” matters more than explaining exactly what occurred.
• Watch for behavioral changes. If your child becomes afraid to go to school, talks about the event repeatedly, or shows changes in sleep or appetite, these are signals they need more support.
• Create a sense of security. Maintain routines, be present at pickup and drop-off, and remind them of the specific safety measures at their school.

Tweens and teens (ages 12–17)

Older children will almost certainly hear about school shootings through social media and peers. They need a different kind of conversation:

• Let them lead. Ask: “What have you heard about what happened?” and let them talk. Listen more than you speak.
• Clear up misinformation. Teens get information from social media, which is often inaccurate or sensationalized. Help them distinguish between reliable and unreliable sources.
• Validate their emotions. Fear, anger, sadness, helplessness — all of these are normal responses. Don’t dismiss them with “don’t worry about it.”
• Channel their feelings into action. Teens feel better when they feel empowered. Discuss what can be done — advocating for change, supporting peers, getting involved in their community. Feeling part of the solution is both healing and powerful.
• Talk about media literacy. Use this as an opportunity to discuss biased reporting, social media algorithms that amplify fear, and how to consume news in a healthy way.
• Watch for withdrawal. Teens who become unusually quiet, irritable, or disconnected after a school shooting may be struggling more than they’re letting on.

What NOT to Do

Don’t avoid the conversation

Silence doesn’t protect your child — it leaves them alone with their fears. Even if the topic is uncomfortable for you, your child needs to know they can come to you.

Don’t let your own anxiety take over

Children pick up on their parents’ emotions. If you’re visibly panicked, your child will absorb that panic. It’s okay to feel scared — process those feelings with another adult, not with your child. Be their calm anchor, even when you don’t feel calm inside.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep

Saying “this will never happen at your school” feels reassuring in the moment, but it’s a promise you can’t guarantee. Instead, focus on what is true: “Your school has safety plans. Your teachers are trained. And I will always do everything I can to keep you safe.”

Don’t leave the news on in the background

Constant exposure to news coverage — even passively — increases anxiety in children. Turn it off when kids are in the room. You can stay informed without your children absorbing hours of traumatic coverage.

Warning Signs Your Child Needs More Support

Most children will process their feelings about school shootings with the help of caring parents and a return to normal routines. But some children may need professional support. Watch for:

• Persistent fear of going to school that doesn’t improve after a few days
• Nightmares or sleep disturbances related to safety or violence
• Physical symptoms — stomachaches, headaches, or nausea before school
• Behavioral regression — younger children may start bedwetting or becoming clingy again
• Withdrawal from friends, activities, or family
• Increased anger or irritability that seems out of proportion
• Talking about the event repeatedly or acting it out in play
• Statements about not feeling safe anywhere, or about wanting to die

If you see these signs lasting more than two weeks, it’s time to talk to a professional. Early intervention makes a significant difference in how children recover from trauma-related anxiety.

How to Help Your Child Build Resilience

Beyond the immediate conversation, there are things you can do every day to strengthen your child’s ability to cope with frightening events:

• Maintain routines. Predictability is one of the most powerful anxiety reducers for children. Keep bedtimes, mealtimes, and family rituals consistent.
• Stay connected. Regular, undistracted time with your child — even 15 minutes a day — builds the emotional safety net they need.
• Teach coping skills. Deep breathing, grounding exercises, and journaling give children tools they can use when anxiety spikes.
• Limit screen time around traumatic events. Research consistently shows that more media exposure after a traumatic event leads to worse mental health outcomes.
• Model healthy coping. Let your child see you managing stress constructively: “I’m feeling worried about the news, so I’m going to take a walk and clear my head.”

A Note for Texas Families

Texas has been directly affected by school shootings, and the impact on our communities is real and ongoing. If your child attends school in Texas, they are participating in safety drills and hearing conversations about school safety. They need your support in processing these experiences.

At Little Dove Psychology, we work with children across Texas who are dealing with anxiety — including anxiety related to school safety. Our virtual sessions mean your child can access expert support from the comfort of home, without the added stress of traveling to an unfamiliar office.

If your child is struggling with anxiety about school, safety, or anything else, we’re here to help. We offer free 15-minute consultations so you can talk to a licensed psychologist before committing to anything.

Ready to get support? Call (512) 240-2633 or contact us online.