How to talk to your teen about suicide

You do not have to be an expert to have this conversation with your teenager. You have to be willing to start it, and to use the word. This page is the written version of a conversation I had with Dallas family law attorney Jennifer Hargrave for World Suicide Prevention Day, organized around the questions parents ask me most: whether asking is safe, how early to begin, what actually counts as a warning sign, what to say when your child says yes, and how to help a teen who is worried about a friend.

Before private practice I spent years in academic medicine at Children's Wisconsin, where I helped build the hospital's universal suicide screening program and worked with the Zero Suicide initiative. Screening thousands of children taught me one thing above all: the conversation parents are most afraid of is the one that most often goes well.

Why the teenage years carry more risk

Adolescence has always been a high-risk period. The brain's impulse control is still developing, the pressures are new, and the developmental job of the age, pulling away from parents toward friends and independence, means a teen may not bring a problem home. Over the last decade, and especially since the pandemic, suicide attempts and deaths among young people rose enough that the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on youth mental health. A lot of good prevention work has followed. The piece that still lags is preparing parents to start the conversation at home.

Does asking about suicide put the idea in a child's head?

This is the first question, and the answer is no. Clinicians call the worry iatrogenic risk, the fear that the question itself causes harm, and the research does not support it. A 2014 review in Psychological Medicine looked at the studies that had tested this directly and found no evidence that asking about suicide increases suicidal thinking, with some evidence that it lowers distress. Your teenager has already heard about suicide. What you add by asking is not the idea; it is a safe place to talk about it.

This is also why pediatric hospitals and clinics now screen every child at certain ages, not only children who seem at risk. I worked on that rollout. If the question were dangerous, we could not ask it of thousands of children a year.

How early should you start?

Earlier than most parents expect. When universal screening began, hospitals started at ages 12 or 13. As the research came in, that age kept dropping. Children's Wisconsin now screens from 10 or 11, and some programs screen children as young as 8, because risk shows up earlier than we assumed.

For a younger child, you do not need a formal sit-down. Watch for a natural opening: a scene in a movie, a news story, something a classmate said. Use it when it comes, and say more than you think you need to.

How to prepare yourself

The biggest predictor of how the conversation goes is whether you can say the word calmly. If you have to practice saying "suicide" in front of a mirror, do that. Write down two or three things you want to say. Decide ahead of time how your family's beliefs fit in; for many families, faith is a real support here and belongs in the conversation.

Then use the word. Not "passed away," not "hurt themselves," not "did something on purpose." Saying "suicide" plainly takes away some of the power that avoiding it gives.

What to say

The message is that the thought itself is normal. In clinic I would often open this way: everybody, at some point in their life, will have a dark thought cross their mind. For some people it is "I wish I didn't wake up tomorrow." For some it goes all the way to "I want to kill myself, and this is how." Then I ask where on that range they have ever been. Not whether, but where. The wording gives permission: having had the thought is part of being human, and saying so out loud is allowed.

If your teen already struggles with anxiety or depression, you can add that these thoughts can come with those conditions the way a poor appetite can, and that you treat them the same way, as a symptom to work on rather than a verdict.

The two warning signs that matter most

Every list of warning signs describes an ordinary teenager: moody, sleeping late, withdrawn from the family, hormones everywhere. Parents rightly ask how they are supposed to tell the difference. Two things do the work.

The first is change from your child's own baseline. One kid runs a little gloomy; another is happy-go-lucky. The question is not how they compare with other teens but whether they have changed from themselves. The teenager who used to spend forty minutes on her hair and makeup before school and now wears the same baggy clothes and skips the shower is showing you a change. So is the kid who has stopped seeing the friends he used to seek out.

The second is duration. A rough two or three days after a breakup or a bad game is a rough two or three days. A change that has held for weeks is a different thing, and it deserves a direct question.

Recent losses raise the odds: the end of a relationship or a friendship, not making the team, a move, a new school, a change in the family. Some risk factors are fixed, like age and sex. The transient ones are the ones to watch.

What to do when your teen says yes

Here is the mindset shift that is hardest for parents. A teenager who tells you they have had thoughts of suicide is showing the best sign we have clinically: they are willing to talk about it. We worry more about the ones who will not.

So stay in the conversation. Thank them. Ask how long the thoughts have been there, how intense they get, how hard they are to push away, and whether they have thought about how they would act on them. In a risk assessment we look for three things together: the thought, the intent to act on it, and a plan. A thought alone is common and is not the same as imminent danger. Once the door is open, most teenagers are strikingly honest about where they are.

Then the question that decides the next step: can they stay safe? Clinicians call it contracting for safety. A teen who says "I don't think I'll act on it, but could you sleep in my room tonight" is telling you they can, with support. A teen who says "I don't know if I will or not" is telling you they cannot, and that is what emergency rooms and crisis lines are for. Going to the ER does not mean an inpatient admission; it means a social worker or psychologist does a full assessment and helps you decide.

If your teen can stay safe, has not made a previous attempt, and is willing to get help, the plan is to start outpatient treatment as soon as you can. And in the meantime, restrict access to anything that could be used impulsively: lock up or remove firearms and medications, and keep them out of reach until your clinician says otherwise. The comparison I use is a household where someone struggles with alcohol: you do not keep beer in the fridge. The goal is that acting on an impulse would take time and preparation, because the impulse usually passes first.

What happens when someone calls 988

Parents and teens both ask this, and knowing the answer makes the number easier to use. A trained counselor stays with the caller through the acute moment: on the phone while they move away from anything dangerous, or while they walk to find a parent. People who have survived attempts describe the impulse and then, almost immediately, regret. The call exists to get someone through the impulse to the other side, where they can sleep, talk to a parent in the morning, or get to the next level of care. If more help is needed right then, the counselor says so.

Helping your teen help a friend

Teenagers hear about suicide from each other before any adult does, and the loyalty bind is real: a friend confided in me, so telling feels like betrayal. The way through is to rehearse before it happens. "If a friend told you they were thinking about suicide, what would you say?" Then practice it. Being a good friend means staying connected to that person and also telling someone who can help: a parent, the school counselor, or 988. It does not mean becoming the friend's crisis line or carrying the secret. The rule is the same one we teach younger children about tattling. If there is a safety concern, you tell.

Make sure your teen knows the numbers: 988 for anyone, and The Trevor Project for LGBTQ+ young people who want support from people who understand their situation.

Schools, counselors, and faith communities

Most schools now have school-based counselors, and teachers are often the first to notice a change, because they see a child every day against a room full of same-age peers. Part of any safety plan is naming the adult a teen can go to on campus when a parent is at work or out of reach: the counselor, the nurse, a trusted teacher. Many districts also teach basic mental health vocabulary to every student, so that words like anxiety and depression are familiar before anyone needs them.

Faith communities can do something schools cannot, which is say plainly that having these thoughts does not make a young person sinful or broken, that it is part of being human, and that help is part of what the community is for.

This is not your fault

Parenting a teenager can be lonely in a way parenting a toddler is not. It is easy to swap potty-training tips; it is much harder to tell another parent that your teen is struggling. Underneath that silence is often the fear that a child's suicidal thoughts mean a parent failed.

They do not. Suicidal thinking has many causes: genetic predisposition, fixed risk factors, and triggers that the best parenting in the world cannot prevent, like the loss of a friendship. No parent can make a child immune. What a parent can do is prepare the child, make the topic safe to raise, remove access to dangerous means, and get treatment started. Protect where you can, prepare always, and model it: when you are anxious, say so, and let your teen watch you do something about it.

A message of hope

Teenagers are more resilient than we give them credit for. Where families fall short is usually the prep work, making the subject speakable before it is urgent. The best outcomes I have seen, including with young people who had multiple attempts and hospitalizations behind them, came at the point where treatment became the focus and the whole family got on the same page. And the single most important fact about a suicidal thought is that it passes. It is transient. Getting a young person safely through the moment is most of the job.

Common questions

Does asking my teen about suicide put the idea in their head?

No. This is the most common fear parents bring to the conversation, and the research does not support it. A 2014 review in Psychological Medicine found no evidence that asking about suicide increases suicidal thoughts, and some evidence that it reduces distress. Your teenager has already heard about suicide at school, online, or in the news. Asking does not introduce the idea; it makes your home a safe place to talk about it.

At what age should I start talking to my child about suicide?

Earlier than most parents expect. When universal suicide screening rolled out in pediatric hospitals, it started around ages 12 to 13. Many hospitals now screen from 10 or 11, and some programs screen children as young as 8, because risk appears earlier than we once assumed. For a younger child, wait for a natural opening, such as something in a movie, a news story, or a conversation at school, and use it.

What are the warning signs of suicide in a teenager?

Two things separate risk from ordinary teenage moodiness: a change from your child's own baseline, and how long that change has lasted. A teenager who used to care about their hair and clothes and has stopped showering, one who has withdrawn from friends they used to seek out, or one whose sleep and appetite have shifted for more than a few days deserves a direct question. Recent losses raise risk too: the end of a relationship or friendship, not making a team, a move, or a change in the family.

What should I say if my teen tells me they have had thoughts of suicide?

First, know that a teenager who tells you is showing the best sign clinically: they are willing to talk. Stay calm, thank them for telling you, and keep the conversation going. Ask how long the thoughts have been there, how strong they are, and whether they have thought about how they would act on them. A thought alone is not the same as intent and a plan; a clinician looks at all three together. If your teen says they are not sure they can stay safe, or you are not sure, go to the emergency room or call 988 for a full risk assessment. If they can stay safe and are willing to get help, start outpatient treatment as soon as possible.

What does it mean to contract for safety?

It is a clinical phrase for a simple question: does the young person believe they can stay safe right now? A teen who says something like "I don't think I'm going to act on it, but could you sleep in my room tonight" is contracting for safety. A teen who says "I don't know if I will or not" is not, and that is when an emergency room or crisis line evaluation is the right next step.

What happens when my teen calls or texts 988?

A trained counselor stays with them through the acute moment: on the phone while they move away from anything dangerous, or while they walk to find a parent, until the crisis has passed enough to sleep, talk to a parent in the morning, or get to the next level of care. Suicidal impulses are often followed almost immediately by regret, and the point of the call is to get through the impulse. If more help is needed right then, the counselor will say so.

How can my teen help a friend who is talking about suicide?

Rehearse it before it happens. Ask your teen, "If a friend told you they were thinking about suicide, what would you say?" Being a good friend means staying connected and telling a trusted adult, a parent, a school counselor, or 988, not carrying the secret or becoming the friend's crisis line. The test is the same one we teach younger kids about tattling: if there is a safety concern, you tell.

Is it my fault if my child has thoughts of suicide?

No. Suicidal thinking has many causes: genetic predisposition, static risk factors no one can change, and triggers that the best parenting cannot prevent, such as the loss of a friendship. A parent cannot make a child immune. A parent can prepare a child, make the topic safe to talk about, remove access to dangerous means, and get treatment started. That is the part within your control.

Watch the conversation

The Jennifer Hargrave Show, episode 100, September 10, 2026. Also available as audio on Transistor, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

Sources cited on this page

• Hargrave, J. (Host). (2026, September 10). How to talk to your teen about suicide: A parent's guide with Dr. Kristin Kroll (Episode 100). The Jennifer Hargrave Show. Listen or watch.
• Dazzi, T., Gribble, R., Wessely, S., & Fear, N. T. (2014). Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? What is the evidence? Psychological Medicine, 44(16), 3361–3363. doi:10.1017/S0033291714001299
• Walczak, J., Bartelt, T., Ertz, M., & Kroll, K. (2025). An initiative to implement universal pediatric suicide screenings in specialty medical clinics. Journal of Ambulatory Care Nursing, 1(1), 22–30. Read the article
• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org. The Trevor Project: thetrevorproject.org.

Dr. Kroll's research and conference work on pediatric suicide screening, including the Zero Suicide Collaborative and the American Association of Suicidology, is listed on the research and publications page.